Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
