I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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