Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
