i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My vagina is officially offended.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
