Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
