My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We smell like vodka and hangover
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