I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
