You're earring is so big in my mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
