I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
