Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
