plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
