I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
