im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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