Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
