i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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