don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
