I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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