he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
