Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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