Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
