I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love having hate sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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