Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
