A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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