I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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