why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
