Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
