i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
