im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
