I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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