just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
