I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
