she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
