Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
