i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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