Don't make out with my wife yet
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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