Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
