U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
