I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
