remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
