And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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