his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
