I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
