how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
