I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
