Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This baby is an asshole
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
