Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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