I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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