I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
