I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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