I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
