people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
