theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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