So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
