"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I would fuck him just for his dog
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
