tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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