Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
