I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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