I have demons in me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
