i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
