Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
