how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
