And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
