I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
