dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
