peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
