This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
