My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
