i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
