It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
