If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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