Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
