im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
