Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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