i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
