I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
