I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize