Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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