he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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